Zero is Indivisible
by UnholyDiver
Summary: Things take a turn for the bizarre when Our Lady of Perpetual Detonation summons somebody that already has a guardian of their own. A guardian that has crazy powers, a mean right hook, and floats above the ground at all times... (Rated T for occasional Language)
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"The hell _is_ this thing?"

The youth reached out a hand to touch the strange green disk-like spatial aberration that hovered above the sidewalk, before pausing and glancing at the crowd as it parted around him. Pedestrians as far as the eye could see, but seemingly none of them perceived the disk like he did. A few gave him strange looks as he stood there, his hand outstretched into empty space, but no-one gave the disk so much as a glance.

' _It seems I'm the only one who's able to see this thing. I wonder, does it have something to do with…?'_

"Only one way to find out I suppose," the youth quietly grunted to himself, running his fingers through his bright red hair before shoving his hands into the pockets of his old leather jacket. A moment later, he removed a stopwatch and clicked the button to start it, a quiet 'beep' echoing the action, "better to be safe than sorry."

For a moment, the youth paused. Then, "I'll just have to have my 「Daft Punk」 check it out for me!"

Instantly a tall figure materialized before the youth. Clad in a featureless black helm and matching armored plates accented with lines of glowing gold, it struck an imposing figure at just over seven feet tall. Beneath its armor, tightly compacted muscles tensed before uncoiling with all the quickness of a striking cobra as the figure lashed out at the disk-like presence with a lightning-fast right hook, accompanied by a loud "Kurah!"

For a moment, the youth almost expected the disk to retaliate. However, when ten full seconds went by without a reaction of any kind he let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding and chuckled to himself.

"Well, that's a relief. I know the folks at the Speedwagon Foundation told me I might run into other users, but I've had 「Daft Punk」 for less than a month! This must be something different; maybe I should ask them about it…"

The youth made to dismiss the figure that floated before him unseen by the masses, but his relief quickly turned to confusion, then panic when he realized that, whatever the disk-thing was, the dark figure's hand was trapped inside it.

"Hey, let go!"

Again he tried to dismiss the figure that had sprung from him, but the disk's grip was relentless and had even started to pull the dark figure inside itself, and him along with it.

"W-wait! Stop! SOMEBODY HE-!"

The youth's cry for help went unheeded as he was forcibly sucked through the disk, the people within close vicinity briefly taking note of the boy that had disappeared in front of them before dismissing it as a bit of impromptu street magic and returning to their thoughts, the youth going entirely forgotten.

 **-)|(-**

"Is there anyone left who has not completed the ritual?"

Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière gulped and tried to make herself as small as possible. Not exactly a difficult feat when she physically _was_ smaller than almost everyone else, but even so it seemed that luck was not on her side today.

"Professor Colbert, Louise has yet to try!" she heard from the other side of the group, and as one her classmates all turned to stare at her.

' _Damn that Zerbst. Why couldn't she have just kept her big mouth shut!?'_

Slowly, the young girl made her way to the front of the group. The breeze that blew through the grounds of the Tristain Academy of Magic ruffled her pale strawberry-blonde hair and cooled her skin as her blood pumped ever more furiously through her veins. She stopped only once she'd reached the summoning circle, and even then she took a moment to observe the overseeing mage, Professor Colbert, as he stood off to the side.

The sun reflected off of his balding head, and he looked at her with a mix of apprehension and pity. She couldn't blame him. After all, she'd pity her too. Were she capable of casting any kind of spell that didn't result in an explosion, things might have been different. But unfortunately for her, she was, always had been, and most likely would continue to be a failure.

Deciding to just get the unpleasantness over with, Louise cleared her throat and raised the hand that clenched her wand in a death grip as she began to recite the aria that would (supposedly) call forth her destined familiar.

"Pentagon of the five elemental powers, heed my summoning and bring forth my familiar!"

As was to be expected, the explosion that resulted from her attempt at a spell launched her back a few feet, and she landed on her rear as the class collectively groaned at her latest magical foible. Ignoring the unflattering mutterings of her classmates, she glanced over at the summoning circle and was more than a little surprised to find a figure kneeling in the middle of it, hunched over and coughing.

Looking more closely, she observed as the smoke lifted to reveal a red-headed boy perhaps a year or two older than her dressed in strange clothing. He was adorned in pants made of some sort of unfamiliar blue material, and she could see his knees through the spots where the garment had worn through. On his torso, he sported an old jacket seemingly made of leather over a peculiar shirt that matched his hair in color and sported a series of strange gold symbols- a heart, a cross, and a funny-looking circle with a line running down the middle of it that split off into three as it approached the bottom.

As her classmates whispered among themselves, Louise got to her feet at the same time the boy did and walked forward to address the human that had apparently been called to serve as her familiar.

"Who are you?"

The boy started at being addressed so suddenly, but quickly regained his bearings and looked back at her.

"John Goode. Who are _you?_ "

"Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière."

The boy gave her a puzzled look before turning to gaze at his surroundings, "Riiiiiiight…"

Slowly, the boy named John took in her classmates as they continued to whisper about 'failures' and 'commoners', "So, Louise Francine de la something-or-other, where am I exactly?"

Louise glowered at the taller boy, "It's _Louise Françoise le Blanc de la Vallière_ , and you're at the Tristain Academy of Magic. Apparently, the summoning ritual thinks that _you_ are best suited to be my familiar."

The confused look returned to the boy's face as he cocked his head disbelievingly to the side.

"Seriously?"

"Why wouldn't I be serious? Stupid familiar…" Louise answered, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Whatever. And stop calling me that."

"Calling you what?"

"You keep calling me 'Familiar'. What does that even _mean_?"

"I can answer that one," the balding professor spoke up, approaching the duo from where he'd stood off the side, "a familiar is a magical companion that assists and protects the mage that it's bound to. Ms. Vallière here just completed the first half of the Springtime Familiar Summoning Ritual, and it seems that _you_ are what was summoned." he finished with an amicable smile.

"So… what you're saying… is that you want to make me into some kind of _pet_? With _magic_?"

The professor's smile slipped just a fraction, "Well, that isn't _quite_ the word I would use. But-"

"Save it; not interested," the redhead interrupted, reaching into his jacket pocket and pulling out his still-running stopwatch.

Louise scoffed at the boy's presumptuousness. As if a commoner like him had the authority to make that decision. "You don't get a choice in the matter! I need a familiar, and _you_ are what I summoned. That means you're my familiar!"

The young man ignored the petite mage, instead checking the face of the stopwatch, "Three minutes and seventeen seconds… easy enough."

"Hey! Are you listening to me!?"

John turned to face her with a cheeky grin as he manifested the black and gold armored figure.

"I'm sorry, do you think you could say that… 「One More Time」?"

Louise mimicked the taller boy's earlier action and cocked her head to the side in confusion at the odd emphasis on those last three words.

"What's that supposed to me-"

 **-)|(-**

The damn thing was _following_ him!

John quickly rounded the street corner, pushing his way past the myriad angry pedestrians that impeded him as he practically leapt into a small bookstore, attempting with rapidly increasing desperation to dodge the crazy disk-portal thing that hounded him like… well, like a bloodhound.

' _What the hell is this thing's problem!? Can't it tell that I want nothing to do with it!?'_

Taking a moment to catch his breath, John slid down the nearest bookshelf into a seated position, carefully looking around the corner to find that the portal had neglected to follow him through the shelves, instead retreating to the middle of the store's entrance and taunting him with the promise of freedom if only he could get past it and out the door again. He looked down at his stopwatch.

"Four minutes, forty-eight seconds. Not enough time…"

Rising to his feet once more, he silently made his way over to the back of the store, where a bored looking high-school girl sat at the register reading a fashion magazine.

"Excuse me, are there any other ways out of this building?"

Glancing up in irritation at what must have sounded like a completely inane question, the girl glared at him, "No. Are you gonna buy somethin' or not?"

John glared back at the girl and turned to make sure that the portal hadn't moved. It hadn't, which was good. Unfortunately, it still stood between him and the outside world, effectively trapping him within the small shop, which was bad.

John quickly made his way back into the maze of bookshelves and contemplated his options. He could just have 「Daft Punk」 punch a hole in the side of the building and escape that way, but then he'd have to deal with the fallout of busting down a brick wall in front of both the register girl and whoever happened to be walking down the sidewalk on the other side. Or, he could wait a little while longer and then just _not_ run into the bookstore at all...

Glancing down at his stopwatch, his heart soared at what he saw.

' _Six minutes, twenty-two seconds… only twelve seconds left! Eleven, ten, nine, eight, sev-'_

John's silent countdown abruptly came to an end when a flash of green overtook his vision and, for the second time that day (from his perspective at least), he vanished without a trace.

 **-)|(-**

"Pentagon of the five elemental powers, heed my summoning and bring forth my familiar!"

As was to be expected, the explosion that resulted from her attempt at a spell launched her back a few feet, and she landed on her rear as the class collectively groaned at her latest magical foible. Ignoring the unflattering mutterings of her classmates, she glanced over at the summoning circle and was more than a little surprised to find a figure kneeling in the middle of it, hunched over and coughing.

Looking more closely, she observed as the smoke lifted to reveal a red-headed boy perhaps a year or two older than her dressed in strange clothing. He was adorned in pants made of some sort of unfamiliar blue material, and she could see his knees through the spots where the garment had worn through. On his torso, he sported an old jacket seemingly made of leather over a peculiar shirt that matched his hair in color and sported a series of strange gold symbols- a heart, a cross, and a funny-looking circle with a line running down the middle of it that split off into three as it approached the bottom.

As her classmates whispered among themselves, Louise got to her feet at the same time the boy did and walked forward to address the human that had apparently been called to serve as her familiar.

"Who are you?"

Instead of answering her question, the boy scowled as he aggressively began to approach her, causing her to step back in alarm and for Professor Colbert to begin moving to intercept him.

"What the hell! Why won't your stupid portal thing leave me alone!? I already told you people I'm not interested in being a _pet!_ "

That brought her and the professor up short, and they gazed at him in wary befuddlement. What in the Founder's name was he raving about? She'd never seen him before in her life!

"I don't know who you think you're speaking to, but I suggest you cut the attitude, Commoner! I am Louise Fran-"

"Yeah yeah, Louise Francis Blank de la Whatever. I don't care! Just tell your stupid magic portal thing to piss off!"

Louise stood in shock as the taller boy pulled out a stopwatch and muttered to himself. He already knew her? How was that possible?

"How do you know my name?"

"Wouldn't _you_ like to know," the redhead irritably replied, "now, how's about we try this 「One More Time」!"

"Wait a minute, what do you-!?"

 **-)|(-**

He'd tried to outrun it. He really, _really_ , had.

But, like everything else in his life as of late, it just couldn't be that simple.

The moment he laid eyes on the portal he turned tail and booked it, running as fast as he could for as far as he was able. If he couldn't hide from it, then maybe it would just get tired of chasing him after a while? He'd hoped against hope that such was the case, but the thing pursued him relentlessly all the same.

If he didn't know any better, he'd have wagered that the damn thing was actually getting _annoyed_ with him towards the end there.

"Who are you?"

John looked up and sighed in defeat before frowning at the strawberry-blonde girl that he was already becoming _very_ tired of seeing.

"John. John Brennan Goode. Familiar ritual at Tristan Academy, right? Let's get this over with. I know when I'm beat."

"…It's 'Tristain' but… yes, that's correct…" the girl gazed back in surprise at the fact that he already knew where he was and why. She glanced over to the professor that stood off to the side, a desperate, questioning expression flashing across her features.

"Professor Colbert, do I really have to… with _him_?"

The balding mage offered the young girl an apologetic look and nodded, "I'm afraid so, Louise. The Springtime Familiar Summoning Ritual is a sacred tradition; it _must_ be upheld."

The girl sighed, and John was just about to ask what the rest of the ritual actually entailed when Louise tapped him on the head with what he could only assume was supposed to be a magic wand before grabbing him by the collar and kissing him straight on the mouth.

Unprepared as he was for the spontaneous make-out session, John froze up and stood there as the young girl finished whatever it was she was doing and took a step back.

Then the pain hit.

Pure agony flowed throughout his body and mind as whatever the girl had done to him did its job, frying his nerves and cooking him alive from the inside out. So great was the pain that his 「Daft Punk」 manifested of its own volition, releasing a thundering roar of pure unbridled fury at whatever had deigned to put its user through such torture. Moments passed, and the pain slowly began to fade as John looked down to discover that strange markings had appeared on the back of his left hand.

"The hell… are these…?"

Slowly, he glanced up towards the one person who could better explain what had happened to him, only to find her sprawled backwards in the dirt, mouth hanging open in a wordless scream of terror and her shaking hand held forward to point at him.

"W-W-WHAT IS _THAT!?_ " she cried, scooting as far away from him as she could, as fast as humanly possible. Looking behind him, John saw nothing but his 「Daft Punk」 silently hovering in patient expectation. What could she possibly be so afraid of? There was nothing… there…

"Wait, you… you can see my 「Daft Punk」? You can see my 「Stand」!?"

Louise said nothing as the professor rushed to her side in alarm, seemingly content to do nothing aside from opening up even more distance between them.

John was just as lost as the rest of the class as they stared at the young girl shaking in fear of something nobody else (besides him) could see. After all, the people at the Speedwagon Foundation had told him that only people who had a 「Stand」 of their own could see ones belonging to other people. Then again, the Louise girl hadn't been able to see his earlier. It wasn't until she'd kissed him that she'd been able to perceive his 「Daft Punk」. Or perhaps it had something to do with the markings that had shown up on his hand…

Either way, there was _one_ thing he was sure of.

His life had just gotten much, _much_ more bizarre.

 **-)|(-**

STAND NAME: **Daft Punk**

STAND MASTER: **John B. Goode**

POWER: **C**

DURABILITY: **C**

SPEED: **A**

PRECISION: **A**

RANGE: **D**

GROWTH POTENTIAL: **C**

ABILITIES:

- **One More Time: Sends the user's consciousness back in time, but cannot be used again until twice the amount of reset time has passed (i.e. going back 5 minutes = 10 minute cooldown). At his current level of experience, John can only go back about an hour at most.**

* * *

 **AN: Hey everyone! It's been... quite some time since I last uploaded anything.**

 **Yeah. Sorry about that. Though in my defense I've been pretty busy with work recently, and I'm already on record as stating that I prioritize real life over fanfiction. If you take issue with this, then I'm afraid I've got nothing to say to that but "oh well" :/**

 **Anyway, this story is just something I've been using to keep the creative juices flowing in my spare time while I get the next chapter of Starting from Zero out. I AM working on it by the way. I won't give you a date or anything like that, because I'd prefer not to make a liar out of myself when I inevitably fail to meet the deadline, but hey, steady progress is better than nothing right? Regardless, I won't be investing _nearly_ as much time and effort into this as I am into SfZ, and that probably shows. I just hope you guys get at least a laugh or two out of it. That'd be enough for me.**

 **In short, business as usual- You guys are the best, Starting from Zero IS coming, and if you have any criticism (constructive or otherwise) then you know where to leave it!**

 **And as always, thank you for reading.**

 **Disclaimer: I own neither _Zero no Tsukaima_ / _Familiar of Zero_ , _JoJo's Bizarre Adventure_ , nor any associated characters and settings.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

"What the hell is your problem!? I was never this rude to you, and you had to _blow me up to get me here!_ "

"My _problem_ is that I'm now being forced to share a room with someone who's _POSSESSED BY A DEMON!_ "

"I keep telling you, _IT'S NOT A FUCKING DEMON!_ "

"Well what _else_ is it supposed to be!? I've never seen or heard of anything like it before!"

"I already told you, it's called a 「Stand」! It's not _my_ fault you're too busy having a goddamn _panic attack_ to pay attention when I try to explain this shit to you!"

John seethed with frustration as Louise steadfastly refused to calm down, hiding in the corner as he sat at the small table that adorned her dorm room. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed and looked up to offer Louise a strained smile.

"Alright, I'm going to explain this _one last time_. So _please_ pay attention, okay? I'm telling you it's _not_ going to hurt you."

Louise stared back at him for a few silent moments before slowly uncurling herself from the ball she'd folded herself into, "…Do you promise?"

"Yes, I promise."

Louise carefully stood up straight and dusted herself off before slowly inching her way towards the empty seat at her table, looking all the while like a rabbit about to bolt at even the slightest provocation. As she gently lowered herself into the chair, she offered him a look of wary suspicion.

"So where did it go?"

"It went… back inside me, I guess? The Foundation people weren't all that forthcoming with the details; I was lucky to get the information I got."

Louise gave a slight nod, but her eyes sparkled with unspoken questions.

"The Foundation?"

"Yeah, the Speedwagon Foundation," John nodded, spreading his hands out wide to his sides, "HUGE organization; very rich, very powerful. The dude that founded it was apparently friends with the ancestors of some pretty hardcore 「Stand Users」, and now, in addition to all the philanthropic and business stuff, it functions as a sort-of Stand research society and support group. When they found out I had a Stand, they tracked me down to ensure I wasn't misusing the power and essentially gave me a crash course on all the stuff they thought I needed to be aware of."

Louise nodded again, some of the tension seeping from her shoulders as John explained more and more.

"But, what _is_ a Stand? And if this 'Speedwagon Foundation' is so powerful, why haven't I ever heard of it?"

"You've never heard of it because it doesn't exist here. Back on Earth, where I'm from, they were a household name. Here though? I'm probably the only person who would even recognize the _name_ 'Speedwagon'. Different worlds, ya know?"

Louise offered the older boy a skeptical look, "I'm not sure I believe that… but I suppose it doesn't really matter right this moment. Now, answer my question- what is a Stand?"

"Alright, alright. Jeez…"

John crossed his arms over his chest and took a moment to collect his thoughts. In all honesty, even _he_ wasn't really sure what Stands were. Oh, the Foundation people had explained it to him, certainly. But hearing an explanation and _understanding_ that explanation are two very different things. He'd picked up some of it and inferred a bit more on his own, but for the most part he still considered his own powers to be something of an enigma. He'd only recently gotten the hang of the way that 「One More Time」 functioned, and it hadn't been all that long ago that he'd been a normal guy with absolutely no connection to the supernatural world whatsoever.

"Okay, so it's like this- Stands are a kind of… 'manifestation' of their user's spirit or will, and they protect and watch over you like a guardian. In a way, they reflect who their user is as a person, so they're connected to their users on a fundamental level. If one dies, the other dies with them. They all have special powers of their own, and because they'll always stand beside you if you call for them, they're called 'Stands'. Get it?"

"I think so…" Louise lowered her gaze to the table in front of her, a thoughtful look on her face, "So why am I the only one besides you who's able see your Stand?"

"Ah, right. Supposedly, only people who have a Stand of their own are able to see other people's Stands. I'm not sure what _your_ deal is though."

"Maybe it's the familiar bond?"

John quirked an eyebrow at the blonde girl's words, "The _what_ now?"

Louise rolled her eyes, "The familiar bond. You didn't think that familiars were connected to their masters in name only, did you? Supposedly there are a few perks of forging such a connection, like being able to share senses, but…"

Louise curled back into herself slightly once more and gave John another wary look, "I don't think I want to try that with that… thing. Your Stand…"

John frowned at her words. Was she seriously still afraid that he was going to hurt her?

Although, upon further review, he supposed that from her perspective it was probably a completely reasonable fear. After all, her first encounter with his 「Daft Punk」 had been when it literally popped into existence in front of her- a seven foot tall faceless giant in black and gold armor screaming at the heavens in wordless rage about two feet in front of her face.

Okay, in hindsight, he probably should've been a _little_ more understanding of how freaked out she was around him.

"Louise, give me your hand for a sec."

Louise raised an eyebrow as the older boy that sat across from her reached out his right hand towards her, palm up.

"Why? What would that accomplish?"

"Just do it!"

With a wordless huff, she relented and gently placed her hand on top of his so that their palms met in the middle. Once she had done so, he moved to place his left hand on top, gently sandwiching her hand between his own.

"Alright, now I want you to close your eyes. I'll tell you when you can open them again."

"Is there a point to this?" the blonde irritably bit out, but acquiesced to the demand nonetheless. Slowly so as not to alert her, John removed his hands from hers, leaving behind a pair of metallic black limbs that stretched back towards him until they disappeared into his shoulders.

"Okay, you can open your eyes now."

Slowly, Louise peeked open her eyes, which quickly came to rest upon the ghostly gauntlets that now gently cradled her outstretched hand the same way her familiar had been doing a minute ago.

At first, she wasn't sure of what she was seeing. Her eyes were uncomprehendingly locked on her hand, so sure that something was wrong with what she was looking at, but also completely unable to pin down just what it was that felt so out of place.

Finally, what she was looking at clicked in her head and she froze. Then she started to shake. Then she started to hyperventilate.

"Louise! Louise, it's okay! Nothing bad is going to happen!" John quickly began speaking encouragement to the frozen mage that sat opposite himself. He had no idea what she could be going through right now, but more than anything else he understood his Stand. He instinctively _knew_ that Louise would come to no harm under the watchful eye of his 「Daft Punk」. He just wanted _her_ to understand that as well.

"Everything is alright, see? Nothing bad happened. You're safe."

Slowly, _ever so slowly_ , Louise's breathing began to normalize and the color began to return to her face as she became accustomed to physical contact with his Stand. Gradually he began to remove his Stand's hands from around Louise's, pausing only with her initial twitch at the movement. A few moments later and the disembodied limbs were gone.

John offered the girl a soft smile as she withdrew her hand, holding it in front of her face and staring at it, "See? I told you it would be alright. There's no need to be afraid of my Stand. My 「Daft Punk」 would never hurt you."

Louise shifted her gaze from her hand to his face and just stared at him for a moment before growing a small smile of her own.

"I see… thank you, John."

The moment passed when Louise's face scrunched up before she released a massive yawn. Rising from her seated position at the table, she slowly made her way over to her dresser where she began to undress out of her school uniform.

"It's been a rather long day. I think I'll retire early for tonight."

John, having already turned away from where she was stripping off her clothes with a small blush on his face, cleared his throat before answering, "S-sounds good. I think I'll do the same. Where will I be sleeping?"

"Umm… there should be a pile of hay in the corner of the room…"

"…Seriously? A pile of hay?"

"S-shut up! I wasn't expecting a human familiar, okay!?"

John had to strain to hear her next words, as she had whispered them to herself.

"I wasn't really expecting a familiar at all…"

John sighed and stood up, making his way over to the hay pile before unceremoniously collapsing on top of it.

"Oh well. I suppose it'll do for now. Don't worry about it, okay?"

Louise didn't respond, but out of the corner of his eye John saw her walk over and extinguish the room light before walking back and climbing into her bed. They lay there in silence for minutes that John eventually lost track of, until finally he heard a quiet murmur originating from the four-poster bed of his summoner.

"G'night."

John nodded to himself, pleased that Louise had turned out to be far more agreeable than she'd first appeared out in the Academy courtyard.

"Mhm. 'Night."

Perhaps his stay here wouldn't be too unbearable after all.

* * *

 **AN: If you're wondering what Daft Punk looks like, it's basically Guy-Manuel de Homem-Christo's performance costume with black solar panel-esque armor plating and gold Tron lines. He's also slimmer than other combat-oriented humanoid stands; more like a boxer, as opposed to the bodybuilders that Star Platinum, Crazy Diamond, The World, etc. look like.**

 **Disclaimer: I own neither _Zero no Tsukaima_ / _Familiar of Zero_ , _JoJo's Bizarre Adventure_ , nor any associated character's and settings.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Okay, let me see if I've got all this- Albion, Tristain, Germania, Gallia, and Romalia are the five nations that make up the continent of Halkeginia, all of them but Germania are known as the 'Brimiric Nations', or those nations that were founded on and follow the Brimiric faith which is centered in Romalia, and according to the Laws of the Founder Brimir the oh-so-wonderful noble mages of Halkeginia are inherently superior to the dirty nonmagical folk, who exist solely to serve the whims and needs of the nobles. Oh, and the Founder's Super Special Awesome Holy Land™ in the northeast is currently occupied by killer elves that desire nothing more than to wage genocide on literally the entire rest of the world. Did I forget anything?"

"Yes," Louise answered with a displeased frown, "you forgot to leave out the snark."

John merely shrugged in response to the blonde girl's mild ire, "What can I say? Your world is whack."

"It's not whack… whatever that means!"

"Totes whack, yo."

Louise sighed and massaged her temples in a fruitless attempt to stave off the headache her familiar was giving her. Whereas most mages were born with an affinity for either earth, wind, fire, or water magic, _he_ had apparently been born with an affinity for _sarcasm_. He was fine most of the time and their morning had actually been relatively typical (for her at least), but on occasion his preference for sardonic wit shone through and set her teeth grinding. Now was such an occasion.

At least he'd neglected to comment on her blowing up Professor Chevreuse's lectern earlier.

Making their way through the dining hall towards her usual isolated corner of the second years' tables, Louise silently lamented to herself. All she really wanted was a normal lunch; an unremarkable meal uninterrupted by explosions, or malicious comments from her classmates, or sarcastic familiars and their crazy spirit-guardian Stand things.

"Hey, I'm just sayin'. Judging by Earth standards you people have a pretty outdated social structure, ya know?"

"Whatever. Just shut up and pull out my chair."

John raised an eyebrow in response to the demand, "What is this, the fifties? You can pull out your own cha-"

"I SAID SHUT UP AND PULL OUT MY CHAIR!"

The redhead flinched at the sudden vehemence, before reaching out for the seat in question, "Jeez… very well, _your majesty_. I'd tell you to crack the whip a little harder, but I'm kind of afraid you actually have one."

Louise stayed suspiciously silent as they both sat down, and it wasn't until John noticed the light blush that adorned her face that the unsettling revelation clicked within his mind.

The young man stared at his summoner gobsmacked, "Oh my god, you have a whip. You _actually have_ a goddamn whip."

"Shut up…"

"Why do you have a whip!? You aren't… _into_ that kind of thing, are you?"

Louise's blush deepened as she whirled around to face her companion in mortification, "No! It was a gift, alright!? My sister gave it to me!"

"Ohhh, I see…" Understanding flashed in John's expression, and the two remained silent for a few moments before John turned to face the blonde girl once more.

"Is _she_ into that kind of thing?"

"Please stop talking…" Louise groaned, burying her face into her hands. She was incredibly thankful when he simply 'hmm'd in response and proceeded to stuff his face with the feast that sat before him. She'd tried to explain to him that morning at breakfast that only nobles were allowed to eat in the Academy's dining hall, but he'd laughed in her face and told her that if they really wanted to stop him then they were welcome to try.

To her slight irritation, no-one even approached them about it. So much for rules and propriety.

"So, are we gonna talk about what happened in class this morning?"

Louise visibly flinched at the question, slowly clenching and unclenching her fists as she debated with herself. Should she tell him? He'd probably learn about it on his own eventually anyway, but on the very very very very _very_ off chance he _didn't_ learn about it, she'd like it much better if as many people as possible remained ignorant about her magical deficiency.

"Actually, I'd prefer it if we didn't talk about that."

John nodded in understanding, "That's fine. After all, everyone's got something they don't like talking about. Just know that if we _don't_ talk about it I'm gonna come to my own conclusions."

Louise tried to glare at him, but couldn't muster the necessary indignation. She may not have liked it, but it wasn't as if she could personally police his thoughts and force him to stop thinking about the subject.

She never really had a chance of getting out of this conversation, did she? With a sigh, she gave in.

"I… can't use magic."

"You pointed a wand at something and it exploded. If that's not magic, I've got no goddamn clue what _is_."

"I mean I can't use magic _properly_ you idiot. It's not supposed to explode."

"Ahhh, I getcha. Guess that explains the nick."

Louise frowned at the redhead's comment. He hadn't explicitly _said_ the word, but she still loathed it with every fiber of her being and even an offhand reference to the moniker with which she'd been branded made her blood boil.

"Yes. Now, if you'd _kindly_ forget that you'd ever heard that nickname I'd be most appreciative."

John simply offered a boyish grin, "What nickname?"

Louise returned with a small, slightly pleased smile of her own, "Exactly."

The two continued their eating in companionable silence, occasionally passing certain dishes or drinks back and forth to each other, and eventually they finished, letting out simultaneous sighs of contentment as they leaned back in their chairs.

"Okay, I'll admit- so far this place blows my world out of the water food-wise. I could _definitely_ get used to this."

"You still haven't tried the dessert yet," Louise pointed out, watching on in amusement as John's eyes widened in horror before he burst upwards from his seated position and looked off into the distance, his gaze filled with intense purpose as he reached into his pocket and activated his stopwatch.

"You are correct, and that is completely unacceptable. Indeed, such a terrible state of affairs must be remedied as soon as possible," he stated with such unabashed seriousness that it could only have been spoken in teasing jest, "I shall return posthaste with baked goods aplenty."

Louise simply smiled and shook her head as the older boy walked off.

It was moments of levity like these that made her think that having him for a familiar was almost actually kind of nice.

Almost.

 **-)|(-**

As John stalked the various nooks and crannies of the Academy's overly-glamorous dining hall, his mind surged in contemplation of what was quite possibly _the_ most important question any mortal being would or _could_ ever ask, _ever_.

 _'_ _If I were cake, where would I be?'_

Such was the intensity of his laser-like focus that he never even noticed the student approaching him from the opposite direction until he ran into him. They both let out a small 'oof!' and fell backwards, John's 「Stand」 quickly manifesting and catching him before setting him down lightly onto the floor.

John looked up and offered the blond opposite him a slightly embarrassed grin as he stood back up and held out a hand to help the other boy, "Sorry about that, wasn't watching where I was going. Too busy looking for dessert, ya know?"

The blond ignored the outstretched hand, rising to his feet on his own and dusting himself off, glaring at the older boy all the while.

"Ignorant commoner; next time you cross paths with a noble you _yield_ , am I understood?"

Annoyance flashed in John's eyes, but only for a brief moment. Instead of rising to the bait, he just grinned harder.

"I dig, I dig. No worries G, I can grok that jive."

The look of utter befuddlement on the student's face was priceless, and had he been able he'd have taken a picture right then and there. Unfortunately, he hadn't had his phone on him when he was summoned, and so was unable to record the moment for future enjoyment.

Regardless, the boy quickly pushed past him, leaving John on his own. Kneeling down, he quickly retrieved the small vial full of purple liquid that he'd seen fall out of the blond's pocket; most likely a potion of some kind.

 _'_ _I wonder if Louise will know what it is… either way it's finders-keepers, asshole!'_

"Stop right there!"

 _'_ _DAMMIT!'_

John looked up into the angry blue eyes of another student, a girl this time, her long blonde hair done up in fancy ringlets.

"Yes? There something I can do for you?"

"That perfume you just picked up does not belong to you."

 _'_ _Perfume? Aww, lame…'_ the redhead silently remarked, quickly transitioning into a smooth lie, "I know that. I think it fell out of the pocket of the blond guy I just ran into. I was about to go return it."

The girl simply glared at him, suspicion clear on her face.

"Is that so?"

"But of course!" John exclaimed, placing a hand on his chest in mock affront, "What kind of _barbarian_ would just _keep_ something he knows doesn't belong to him? I'm sure that boy is already consumed with longing for his lost… perfume."

At those words, the girl's suspicion dissolved into a warm smile, "Mhm, I'm sure my Guiche misses it very much. I was looking for him anyway, so let's go return it, shall we? Come."

Following after the girl, partly because he didn't see the point in racking up unnecessary cooldown using 「One More Time」, and partly because he had no interest in keeping something as lame as a bottle of perfume anyway, they quickly caught up to the boy he'd run into previously and the blonde girl called for his attention.

"Oh Guiiiiiiiiiche...!"

Turning about face, the blond boy whipped out an honest-to-god rose and posed. His expression soured a bit when he sighted John, but he quickly recomposed himself and smiled at the girl, "Yes, my beautiful Miss Montmorency? Is there something this humble Guiche de Gramont can do for you on this fine day?"

 _'_ _OH. MY. GOD. This is FUCKING PHENOMENAL.'_

John's efforts to stifle his laughter at that 'Guiche' boy's act were just _barely_ enough to ensure that his mirth went unnoticed by the others. He'd met hams before; hell, just _having_ a Stand meant that your personality was a bit 'off' to begin with, or so he'd come to suspect based on his encounters with other users in the Speedwagon Foundation. But this guy… this guy was just something else entirely.

Blissfully unaware of the redhead's suppressed giggles, the Montmorency girl blushed at the compliments and gave the boy a beatific smile in return.

"This commoner noticed that my gift had fallen out of your pocket, so we came to return it to you!"

Guiche's smile strained a bit as he glanced over at John once more, "A-ah, is that so? Then I suppose I must offer my most sincere thanks in returning such a precious item to me. Truly, I don't know what I would've done without it."

"No thanks necessary, I'm just glad to do my part." John replied, continuing his valiant battle to keep his snickers of amusement locked up inside as he passed the vial back to Guiche. It seemed that nothing more was required of him, so he'd just begun to depart to resume his search for baked goodies when he heard a voice calling out above the din of the dining hall.

He watched all the blood quickly drain from Guiche's face as he caught sight of a young brunette making her way towards their group, a cloth-covered basket nestled within her arms.

"Lord Guiche! Lord Guiche!" the brunette cried, stopping in front of them with a bright, innocent smile, "Lord Guiche, I made you some of those soufflés you expressed such interest in last night! Would you like some?"

John watched in abject awe as Montmorency and the new girl (apparently named Katie) began arguing with each other. It appeared that the young 'Lord Guiche' had been a tad bit _adulterous_ as of late, and John gave a silent cheer when both girls came to this realization themselves and slapped Guiche at the same time, leaving two identical hand prints on either side of his face.

As the two girls stalked off in anger, Guiche absently brought a hand up to cup his left cheek.

"Well _that_ certainly could have gone better…"

And at that, John could hold his mirth no more.

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Oh my god, that was _amazing_! I'd have totally _paid_ to see that!" John called out, his hands on his knees as he laughed and laughed at an increasingly furious Guiche, who quickly rounded on the laughing boy.

"And just what do you think _you're_ laughing at, Commoner?"

"I'm laughing at just how badly you _screwed up_ , dumbass."

John grinned at the incensed boy that stood shaking in front of him, "Who knows, if you hurry you may actually be able to salvage your relationship with one of them. I'd get on that if I were you."

Guiche merely growled in response to the suggestion.

"None of this would have happened if you had just left the vial where it was!"

"Uhh, dude? Blondie was looking for you long before I ever picked up your stupid perfume. She was coming over here anyway."

"What is going _on_ here!?"

The two boys turned to find Louise standing just off to the side of their conversation looking both angry and confused at the proceedings.

"John, I heard you laughing all the way from back at the table! I thought you were getting dessert?"

John snorted in amusement and answered, "I _was_ until I got roped into watching 'Casanova' over here completely fail at not getting caught cheating on his girlfriend."

"Everything would have been _fine_ if not for you!" Guiche heatedly insisted, "You're the one who ran into me and knocked the vial out of my pocket in the first place! Your actions have resulted in two ladies shedding tears this day!"

At that, John's merriment faded and a frown grew in its place.

"You aren't _seriously_ blaming _me_ because _you_ got caught two-timing, are you? Because that would be pretty stupid on your part, ya know? Besides, I already told you- she was looking for your dumb ass anyway. All this crap would've gone down with or without my involvement."

"Enough! I will suffer your insults no longer, Plebeian!" the blond roared, whipping his rose into John's face in a gratuitous show of bravado, "I challenge you to a duel!"

"No!" Louise cried, her eyes widening in alarm, "Guiche, you know duels aren't allowed among the students!"

"You are correct; duels are not allowed among the _students_." Guiche turned to face Louise with disdain clear in his eyes, "There is no rule saying that a student cannot duel a commoner or a familiar. If he even _is_ your familiar, that is."

Louise narrowed her eyes at the blond boy's words.

"And what exactly is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Oh please, you don't have to play the fool," Guiche scoffed, "Everyone already knows that you simply hired a commoner to pose as your familiar. As if a Zero like you could ever _actually_ summon one."

Louise's gaze dropped to the floor and tears grew in the corners of her eyes as she balled her hands up into impotent fists at her sides. The crowd that had slowly been growing ever since Guiche had been accosted by the righteous fury of his multiple paramours broke out into whispers, and John could hear them corroborating the blond's statement. Apparently, they really had that little faith in their petite classmate, and the general consensus was that she had faked the entire summoning and binding process.

John placed a supportive hand on Louise's shoulder and glared bloody murder at the haughty prick that had made his summoner, his _friend_ cry.

"You know what? Screw you, Guiche. Screw you, _and_ your stupid duel. You're just trying to save face after getting caught doing something you shouldn't have been doing, but the truth is that you _deserved_ to get caught. You deserved to get caught, and you deserved to get slapped too! In fact…"

John glanced down at the stopwatch in his free hand for a moment, before looking back up and offering Guiche a wolfish grin as the imposing figure of his 「Daft Punk」 manifested behind him, causing Louise to freeze in place.

"In fact, I think I'd like to see it 「One More Time」!"

 **-)|(-**

There were many things John was prepared for when he jumped back in time. Louise having another panic attack/ mental breakdown in the chair next to him was, unfortunately, not one of them.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?"

John whirled around to face his strawberry-blonde companion in alarm, confusion and surprise written plainly on his face. If his mental calculations were correct (and they generally were these days), her first words to him after the reset should have been 'You still haven't tried the dessert yet'. So what could have caused such a drastic change in her behavior?

"Woooooah, take it easy okay? What's got you so freaked out?"

"We were just over there with the crowd and then Guiche said something and then _you_ said something and first we were over there but now we're over here and whATISHAPPENINGIFEELSICKWHYAREWEOVERHERENOWWHATDIDYOUDO!?" Louise cried out, her words stumbling into each other as her head whipped from side to side in a panicked frenzy as her disoriented mind tried in vain to make sense of the instantaneous change in venue.

"Louise, calm down! _Breathe_ , girl! Deep breaths, okay? In-out, in-out…"

Louise looked over at him with panicked eyes, "What happened!? Why are we over here now!? HOW are we over here now!? Did we teleport!? DID YOU TELEPORT US!?"

John frowned at the girl's words. She couldn't have possibly…

"Louise, what's the last thing you remember before we… teleported?"

"We were arguing with Guiche… and you said something about 'one more time'…" the petite mage choked out before screwing her eyes shut in pain and tightly gripping the table in front of her, "I don't feel so good…"

John sighed at the impossibility of what was happening in front of him as he reached over and slipped his hand beneath her cloak, gently rubbing her back in circular motions, "Yeah, it made me nauseous at first too. It should pass in a moment. Just take deep breaths, okay? Everything's alright. Everything's gonna be fine."

As Louise's breathing slowly began to even out, John's thoughts moved a mile a minute. She had jumped back with him. How was that even possible? His 「Daft Punk's」 ability should have sent him back to before he'd ever left the table, yet somehow she retained her memories of what had happened before he'd made the jump. Looking down to gaze at the odd squiggles etched into the back of his left hand, he realized that he probably should've expected that something like this would happen. After all, if the 'familiar bond' was deep enough to allow her to see his 「Stand」, who's to say it wasn't also deep enough to drag her along for the ride whenever he decided to snap back in time?

"So… you know what happened then? You're the one that teleported us?"

John glanced up at Louise. She was still visibly on edge, but had appeared to at least have calmed down enough to have a rational conversation. He supposed it was time to clue her into what his power was truly capable of.

"Well… yes and no. I'm the one responsible for what just happened, but what we did isn't actually teleporting."

"If it wasn't teleporting, then what was it?" Louise looked at him with a confused frown, before her eyes widened in wariness, "This is one of those… _Stand_ things, isn't it?"

"Yup. Remember how I told you last night that each Stand has a special power of its own?" he questioned, to which the petite girl responded with a nod. "Well this is _my_ power- a form of time travel that I call '「One More Time」'. It sends my consciousness back to a preselected point in time and allows me to 'redo' the events that take place afterwards. It's why I carry a stopwatch wherever I go."

Louise stared back at him openmouthed, "That is… that's impossible!"

"It's _completely_ impossible, but Stands are funny like that. I knew a guy back at the Foundation who could swap the weights of two different objects. When I first met him, I legitimately thought he was benching a _truck_ and damn near pissed myself. I found out later that he does that to all the newbie Stand users."

Louise didn't look convinced, but seemed to be at least entertaining the thought that Stand abilities were far more versatile than she'd first suspected, "Okay, let's say for a moment that I believe you. Why did _I_ come back with you when you… reset?"

John simply raised his left hand to show off his runes, causing Louise to let out a gasp as she suddenly understood the situation.

"So the familiar runes did this? I've read about the familiar bond providing the familiar with certain abilities it wouldn't normally have, but I've never encountered any instances of the _summoner_ gaining abilities… I've never heard about _anything_ like this! This is just… bizarre! It's crazy!"

John snorted in amusement, "You're telling _me_. And here I was thinking I'd actually figured out how my own powers work…"

"So wait, why did you use your power in the first place?"

"I figured that if I jumped back and avoided Guiche altogether, then you wouldn't have to deal with all that crap with the crowd and the insults and such. I didn't realize you would jump back with me. Sorry about that."

"You did that… for me?"

John merely shrugged. "Partially. I also just really wanted to see Guiche get hit agai-"

Suddenly, John's eyes widened in realization and he whirled around in his seat just in time to see Montmorency and Katie angrily stomping away from Guiche, who now sported two bright red handprints on either side of his face.

"DAMMIT, I MISSED IT!"

* * *

 **Disclaimer: I own neither _Zero no Tsukaima_ / _Familiar of Zero_ , _JoJo's Bizarre Adventure_ , nor any associated characters and settings.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"So uhhh . . . remind me again why we need to go grocery shopping?"

Louise turned and scowled at her companion. He'd asked that same inane question at least five times already, and she was only halfway through her list. If he kept going on the way he was, she wasn't sure she could handle it without snapping and using him for 'target practice'.

"I already _told_ you, it's _not_ grocery shopping. I'm restocking my stores of alchemy reagents."

It was _infuriating_ the way his eyebrow slowly rose with practiced fluidity as the two walked through the aisles of shelving within Peyman's Potion Emporium, as if to say _"Are you sure you actually know what you're talking about?"_ Of _course_ she knew what she was talking about! _She_ was the mage, not him!

"But it just looks like a bunch of weird plants and bottles of juice. . ."

"They are not _weird plants_ and _bottles of juice_ , you twit! These are very potent ingredients for the crafting of potions and elixirs!" the petite, strawberry-blonde mage heatedly exclaimed while gesturing toward the hodgepodge of plants and vials of liquid she held in her arms, "These are Moongrass and dried Waking Willow moss, which can be used to craft sleeping potions and antidotes; this vial contains a mixture of powdered salamander scales and-"

"Alright, yeesh . . . no need to give me the whole spiel. . ." the girl's redheaded companion interrupted, before yawning into the back of his hand, "What I _meant_ , Louise, is 'why did _I_ need to come'? I could've just stayed at the Academy and, ya know, _slept_. Like _normal_ people do in the morning."

Louise scoffed at the question, "And leave you to your own devices all day? I think not. Founder only knows how much trouble you'd end up causing."

John gave a pout at that, lightly nudging the younger girl's arm with his elbow as she reached for another ingredient on the shelves, and receiving a sharp glare in response.

"C'mon, I'm not _that_ bad. . ."

" _You_ ARE that bad. And _stop_ that!" the blonde cried out, as her companion's elbow once more bumped her hand off course, nearly causing her to knock a bowl of dragons' teeth onto the floor.

"Stop what?" the boy returned as he nudged her reaching arm a third time.

"GHAAAA! I SWEAR, IF YOU DON'T CUT IT OUT I'M GOING TO-"

"Ah- _hem_ "

John and Louise both turned and looked towards the shopowner, who sat behind the counter gazing at the pair in disapproval.

"I-I'm so sorry! We'll be done soon, I promise!" Louise quickly bowed her head towards the man before turning around and swiping what she needed off the shelf before John could interrupt her again. The two recommenced their wandering through the shelves in silence, for a few minutes at least.

". . . So why are we here again?"

Louise twitched.

 _'I'm going to kill him. I swear by the Founder, I'm going to kill him.'_

 **-)|(-**

" _Jeeeezus_ , I thought we'd _never_ get out of there. . ."

Louise turned and aimed a sharp glare at the boy who'd been nothing but a thorn in her side all morning, "Well maybe if _someone_ hadn't been such a nuisance, we'd have gotten through it quicker."

"Sorry Louise, but I'm afraid my hands are tied. Annoying you is in the job description. Trust me, I read the fine print."

"You're the worst."

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Incorrigible."

"Gesundheit."

"Do you _practice_ being this insufferable or something?"

John thumbed the side of his nose and grinned down at his petite companion, "Yes, actually. It's a skill I've been developing since birth. I'm quite proud of it."

Louise's shoulders sagged in defeat as the two slowly made their way from the backstreets of Tristania back towards the stables at the edge of town. Why couldn't she have summoned something easier to handle? Why couldn't she have summoned something more impressive, like Tabitha's dragon that she could show off in front of everyone with? Why oh _why_ did she have to get stuck with this boy as her familiar? He'd been nothing but trouble since he showed up. . .

"Oi, Louise. . ."

She turned her attention to the boy at her side. . .

"What is i-AAAGH!" _*THUD*_

. . . and promptly tripped right over a misaligned cobblestone, spilling all the alchemy ingredients she'd toiled the last two hours to purchase right out of her arms and onto the street around them.

"Watch your step."

The boy's woefully delayed warning fell on deaf ears, as Louise was too busy lying face-down in the middle of the street in catatonic shock as the various herbs and tinctures she'd spent all morning acquiring ran together with leftover rainwater from the previous evening, eventually settling into so much unusable sludge.

 _Expensive_ , unusable sludge.

Expensive and unusable sludge that now pooled around her prone form and soaked into her clothes.

John nudged the younger girl in the side of the head with his foot. Repeatedly.

"Hey Louise, you alright? Louise? Louiiiiiiiiiiiise? L-Money? Ground Control to Major Bomb?"

He received no response.

* * *

 **AN: Just a quickie to keep you all satisfied while I keep working on the next chapter, in which we'll meet the second Stand of the story! Have fun guessing who it is! (Here's a hint: It's a Stand from the JoJo canon)**

 **As far as this particular chapter goes, I like to imagine John and Louise's relationship to be similar to that of contentious siblings- they tend to drive each-other up the wall, but they _do_ care about one-another and they'll always have the other's back when the chips are down.**

' **Till next time!**

 **Disclaimer: I own neither** _ **Zero no Tsukaima/Familiar of Zero**_ **,** _ **JoJo's Bizarre Adventure**_ **, nor any associated characters and settings.**


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